I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
