You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
