"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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