she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
