Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
