Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
