I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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