I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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