Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
