just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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