The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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