i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
