How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
