i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
