i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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