The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
