Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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