It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
