I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
