1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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