i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
