Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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