Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
