there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
