just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
