I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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