nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
