He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
