i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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