I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
