i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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