I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
