I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
this is an emotional support booty call
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
