Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
