She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
