If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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