Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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