Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
