One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
