There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
