is wine microwaveable?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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