Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
