i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
