it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
