I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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