Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
