the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
