Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
