i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
