I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
