Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
