My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
