your thong is hanging out like whoa
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
